Weed Whackers...Aisle Nine.

While standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed the lady behind me.  Why, you ask?  She had plastic eyelashes.

Plastic. Eyelashes.

Not regular false lashes where you can at least see some lash definition.  These were...well....Mr. Potato Head lashes.  They looked like plastic eyelash mittens.  Or Saul Rubinek's eyebrows.

So, there I am...covertly staring...trying not to laugh and biting my tongue to keep from asking the obvious questions...

Do you have a mirror at your house?

What are you pet caterpillers' names??

Your neck can bench press HOW much???

I know.  I need therapy.

Is My Head Really THAT Small??

The first time I realized that I had a small head was while in college.  I was still living at home and my dad had salvaged some football helmets from a middle school thinking that my mom could use them in the dress-up area of her preschool.  My younger brothers were trying to put them on but they weren't going over anyone's ears.  I grabbed one and went to set it on my head...we were all quite surprised when the helmet plopped down to my shoulders.  And even more surprised when I could turn my head back and forth...without the helmet moving.


Now, fastforward a few years...as you know from my previous post, I am in need of glasses.  I have had my exam and yesterday (Black Friday) I went shopping for frames.  I took a friend with me and we went to four different places. During the course of the first three, we learned what shapes and colors to stay away from.  However, when we got to the fourth place, some of those shapes and colors were suddenly working.  Then I noticed that they seemed smaller.  So we went to the youth/kids area and suddenly everything is looking good...  Anyway, seems I have a lot more options on what looks good when the glasses actually fit my face.


That being said, I am buying a pair on Monday.

Getting Old...

Most of the time I can avoid the realization.  I have a job that allows me to play catch and four-square, sing silly songs, lead messy science experiments and sleep-in late in the summer.  On my own time I play computer games and go on adventures with my camera and exporations with my car.  Mostly, I don't have time to think about getting old...

But sometimes the realization smacks me in the face.

I have been getting headaches lately, that are directly connected to the times that I am reading, grading or planning lessons.  So, yesterday, I had my first ever eye-exam.  I need glasses.  Not just any glasses. Bifocals.  (Nothing says, "old" like bifocals...unless it's trifocals.) I need support reading and I have an astigmatism.

Now you might be thinking, "Nobody has to know you have bifocals...just get the no-line lenses."  But the doctor tells me that the no-line lenses cause waviness in your peripheral vision.  Since I am not willing to sacrifice any of my peripheral vision...in my photography or my teaching (75% of all inappropriate behavior in the classroom takes place in my peripheral vision.)...I find myself not only having to admit to myself that I am getting old but I also have to announce it to the world.

So, I will be out with all of the crazy people who enjoy shopping during the holidays, trying to find a pair of frames that will just say "old"...not "old nerd". 

By the way, this will take place on Black Friday.  Yeah.  I don't know what I'm thinking either.  If nothing else, it will give me something to blog about.

Um...Exactly What Are We Juicing???

So I have been thinking about getting a juicer and making my own concoctions without all the sodium and preservatives as I try to be more healthy (as well as wealthy.) And so I decide to do some comparison shopping online....

And this is what I realize...

Several of the top juicers claim "surgical-quality, stainless steel blades" which makes me wonder:

Exactly WHAT are we juicing???

Moments from Mondays Gone By...

I have decided to use Mondays to remember the past. Sometimes this will take the form of new postings of past memories. Sometimes it will take the form of re-posting from previous blog and journal entries...like this one:

The Container Store
How did we do it? How did we ever get along in life before the Container Store?

I don't have the answer to that but I do know that we were more content. It is nearly impossible to walk through that store and remain content. (I know for many people that would be true of any store but I usually don't feel that gnawing discontent except in bookstores.) Now some of the discontent that is felt when meandering through aisle after aisle of plastic and polyurethane may be a positive and even necessary discontent. It is the discontent that makes you think of that secret place in your house that is in need of a good spring cleaning...that drawer, that closet...that room that is threatening to overstep its bounds and make its presence known to innocent bystanders who just happened to "drop by".

But that kind of discontent is not the focus of my rant. I want to dwell for a moment on that negative, unnecessary discontent. The discontent that goes shopping because you need 12 more hangers for your closet but walks out with 144 so all your hangers will match... The discontent that picks up a 12x12-in block of polyurethane that holds 48 tubes of lipstick and says,

"I need this."
Nobody needs a container that holds 48 tubes of lipstick...and if you do, discontent is not your only issue. Then there is the discontent that picks up a tiny container (no matter how cheap) and says,

"Oh, this is so cute...what could I put in it?"

Or even the discontent that says,

Teenager: "Hey, look! It's a bulletin board made out of compact strips of recycled paper."
Mom: "We just bought you a bulletin board."
Teenager: "But this one is made from recycled material."
Mom: "What are you going to do with the one we just bought you?"
Teenager: "Um...recycle it."
(All actual overheard conversations)
But whatever the cause of your discontent...whether be it necessary or inane...the Container Store has a box, bucket or basket you can put it in.

"I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:10-13

Boy, Am I Glad I Saw THAT Warning!

I went to Wal-Mart the other day to buy a food scale. After comparing weight accuracy and limits, cost and style I chose a digital kitchen scale by Mainstays.

Then I noticed this warning...




...and I thought to myself, "Boy, am I glad I saw that warning! I mighta thought there was carrots, green beans, tomatoes, garlic, onions, potatoes and a stock pot in here. Wouldn't I have been surprised."

But I've got to wonder...has our common sense really disintegrated to the point of needing this kind of warning? Are there really people who pick a small box labeled "Digital Kitchen Scale" and think, "WOW...a SOUP KIT!!" Or is it that our society has become overly litigious? A society where it pays (literally) to be stupid. I should probably stop here...before I get nasty.



Here are some other warnings for the stupid:

Contents may be hot.--McDonald's coffee

For best results, remove cap.--Nabisco Easy Cheese

This ice may be cold.

May contain traces of nuts.--Hershey's Almond Bar

Do not drive a car or run machinery.--Boot's Children's Cough Medicine

Do not eat or inhale. If so, induce vomitting.--on a block of lead (one ton)

Do not consume.--Home Depot treated lumber