I've Never Heard THAT Song.

A couple of my 4th graders wanted to sing a song for me today.  It went like this:

O give me a home where the buffalo roam

And the deer and the antelope play

Where solemn is heard and the birds need the Word

And the clouds are just cloudy all day.

O, home on the range

Where the deer and the antelope play

Where solemn is heard and the birds need the Word

And the clouds are just cloudy all day.

Severe Weather?...Or Not.

Today in my 5th grade Science class, the following exchange happened:

Me:  "Each student will choose a type of severe weather..."
T: "I get 'volcano!'"
Me:  "Um.  A volcano is not weather."
Class: *blank stares*
Me:  "When was the last time you looked outside and said, 'hmm....looks like volcanic eruptions today.'?"
N:  "Ms. Roach!  You tell the funniest jokes!"

Seriously??

Um...EEEWWW!

My fourth and fifth graders are unusually interested in what I eat for lunch.  They are often alarmed that I eat characters from Veggie Tales and always concerned that I don't have any ranch dip.  (They just don't understand how anyone could like "naked" vegetables.)  They are sometimes fascinated, like when I bring a whole green pepper and bite into it just like an apple, and sometimes grossed-out...like today.

There I am, minding my own, enjoying my lunch when I hear, "Ms. Roach! WHAT are you eating?"

Me: "Green beans."
A: "Why are you eating them with your fingers?"
Me: "Because they are raw."
L: "EEEEEEEWWWWW!"
Me: "What do you mean 'ew'? You don't like green beans?"
L: "Not raw! I only like them cooked with mayonnaise on them."
Me: "um.....eeewww!"


Seriously...that can't be normal.

How God Answers Prayer...According to 9 Year Olds

The other day we had a lesson on prayer that included what prayer is, who can pray, how to pray and how God answers our prayers.  This lesson was followed up by a worksheet for homework.  The last question on said worksheet was:

What answers might God give  to your prayers?

Here is how my fourth grade students answered that question:

"Yes."       "No."      "Wait."     "Maybe."      "You are a very lucky little girl."      "OK."      "I will think about it."        "Give Me some time."       "Wait and see."         "It's good to be thankful."


Sometimes...they crack me up.

Violated Airspace!

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day but this post is not about Martin Luther King Jr.  Instead, this is part of my "A Moment from Mondays Gone By" series...where I re-post a favorite story or in this case, share a favorite memory.

As I was running errands today, I happened upon a small community football field.  What surprised me the most is that it was empty.  See, when I was a kid, if we had had a day like today...no school, no snow, dry ground, blue sky, 40 some degrees...the neighborhoods would have been crawling with kids.  We would have been all over that field!  That makes me sad.

Moving on.


Part of my growing up years were spent in a trailer park.  Don't judge.  Our lot was the main hang-out for all the park kids.  We had a great sledding/biking hill with a bridge over the irrigation ditch; an amazing log fort; materials for building epic bike jumps; AND an empty lot next door.  Our lot was separated from the empty one by a deer fence, which had started out about 3 feet high but had been pushed down for easier access.  However, the grass that had grown up through the fence was at least 3 feet high.  Anyway, this lot was used for football, soccer and Frisbee.

The problem was the neighbor on the other side of the lot.  She was a witch.  She ate children.  If you looked her in the eye, you would be paralyzed and she would put curses on you.  Actually, some of that might not be true but we weren't about to take chances.  I don't actually remember ever seeing her but I have distinct memories of being yelled at.  And we never got our ball or Frisbee back when they went over the fence.

So, there we were...enjoying a "no school" day...playing football.  Suddenly, the ball veers off course...15 or so kids freeze...there is a collective "gasp" as the ball crosses the plane of her lot...multiple voices yell, "VIOLATED AIRSPACE!!"...15 or so kids run-jump-dive-roll-slide into our lot and hide behind the grass until the coast is clear.  Then 10 or so kids brave enough to continue, scrounged up another ball while everyone else went and hid in their own yards or houses.  It was so much fun!  But then again, any experience that could be followed-up by the phrase "We almost died." is a winner in my book.

I wish all kids could have that experience!

Here Comes the Bride...

OK.  Everyone just CALM DOWN...  I am not getting married.


But now that I have your attention, let me tell you what I learned from a fifth grader today.






Science Question:  What is an example of how thermal expansion affects our everyday life?


Student Answer:  A bride. It has joints and when it is hot, they can swell, but when it is cold they come back together and it doesn't come apart.




Um....OK.....

While that IS true, I think she meant to say "bridge".

Your Guess Is as Good as Mine...or Not...

I took a group of middle school students to New York for three days last week.  We had a blast!  The first day we spent the afternoon in lower Manhattan and at one point we passed a construction project.  One of the kids ran up to where I was and asked,

T: Ms. R...what is that?
Me: A building.
T: I know they are building a building but what is it going to be?
Me: How would I know?  I don't live here. Your guess is as good as mine.
T: I think it is a car factory.
(ok.  maybe not as good as mine...)
Me: It's probably not a car factory...considering we are in the middle of the financial district of New York City...
T: Oh, true, true.  Maybe it's a banana factory.

There is a moment of complete silence since I initially have no idea how to respond to this comment...

Me: A banana factory??
T: Yeah.  At least that way they don't have to melt the metal.
Me: How are they going to grow the bananas in that building?
T: Oh.  yeah.  I forgot you grow bananas.

Overheard Bits and Pieces

Today in Mrs. E's 7th grade Science class she was asked the following:

T: "If the sun is made up of that much helium...how come it doesn't foat away?"

(My immediate response was, "While saying, 'Bon Voyage" in a high, chipmunky voice...?'")



Sometimes you just have to shake your head and roll your eyes.

The Word of the Day

Today's word-of-the-day is brought to you by my 7th grade Algebra class.

The word is: 22th (pronounced Twenty-tooth)

Out of the Orange Excerpt
*slap* "When you're slapped by a woman you'll take it and you'll like it!" *slap* *slap*

Humphrey Bogart in the Maltese Falcon

I'm Part Leprechaun...

I know it is not a Monday but I am sharing a memory in honor of St. Patrick's Day. 

The students that are currently in my sixth grade class are the same students that were in kindergarten the year I was Mrs. Jackson's (kindergarten) assistant.  It was a difficult year for me.  Mostly because I have a difficult time teaching foundational knowledge that needs to be learned by rote.  Playing and interacting with them was great but teaching them "short vowel sounds" and "counting to one hundred"...not my thing.

On St. Patrick's Day I decided to pull their leg a little...ok...a lot.  While Mrs. Jackson took them upstairs to visit the bake sale, I stayed behind to set the stage.  First, I locked the door, opened the emergency exit window and knocked over a few chairs.  Then I took $5.00 in pennies and scattered them all over the room and put a blue marble in each student's pencil box.  Finally, I stood at the door, listening for their return.  When I heard them outside the door, I started yelling, "Stop! No! What do you think you are doing? I'm not letting you go! You're mine now! etc."  Mrs. Jackson tries to come in and finds the door locked and starts pounding on the door yelling, "Ms. Janet?  What's going on?  Are you ok?" (She's was always ready to play along with my schemes...plus she had plenty of her own!)

I finally come and open the door and I stand there, disheveled and gasping for air.  I had never seen that class so quiet or their eyes so huge.  They didn't say anything.  Mrs. Jackson asks me what happened and I gasp out, "There...(gasp)...was a...(gasp)...Leprechaun...(gasp)"

The kids came into the room...sort of (they pretty much stayed by the door at first) and I told them what happened.  "I was going with you to the bake sale but I heard a noise in the classroom so I went back and there he was...just standing there...a Leprechaun.  I knew that if I could catch him he would have to give me his gold so I locked the door and chased him around the room.  He kept tripping over the chairs so I was able to grab him as he was trying to go out the emergency window.  But then he got loose.  He got away but I tore a hole in his money bag and his gold spilled all over the room!"

The kids still haven't said a word.

"You can keep whatever you can find..."  They still don't say anything but they do start scrambing around collecting pennies.

Finally, one boy asks, "What was he doing here?"

"I don't know," I said, "but I saw him messing with some pencil boxes."

They all make a run for their pencil boxes and discover little blue balls of glass.  "He left us this."

I gasp loudly and then, in my best "hushed-whisper-of-awe" voice I say, "Do....you....know...what...that...is??  That is an Imagination Ball!  The legends say that as long as you have an Imagination Ball you will have an ammmmmaaaaazzzzzing imagination!"

Soft "oohs" and "aahs" from the kids.


Now, I probably should have stopped here.  But no.  One of the kids says, "How do you know about the Imagination Ball?"

"I'm part Leprechaun.  Because my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was a Leprechaun."

"No, he wasn't."

"Yes, he was.  His name was Littleberry Roach...and if that's not a Leprechaun name, I don't know what is."

"You mean your great-grandpa was green?!"

"Real Leprechauns aren't green...that's just in the movies.  Real Leprechauns look just like everybody else...they just have special skills."

"Do you have special skills?"

"Yes.  I can tell good stories and I can make people laugh."

GASP "It's true you guys!! She tells good stories!"

Overheard Bits and Pieces

Yesterday in 7th grade Bible class I am teaching about Israel's captivity to Assyria and Judah's captivity to Babylon with this result:

Me: Nebuchadnezzar captures King Zedekiah, pokes his eyes out and drags him to Babylon to be a slave.
T: Eeeewwww! They poked his eyes out??!  But wouldn't his eyes bleed to death?
R: (dramatic sigh) He was already dead!
Me (to T): That's not the right way to use that phrase...
Me (to R): He wasn't dead.  They took him to Babylon to be a slave.
K: What's he going to do?? He's BLIND! He can't do anything.
R: (dramatic sigh) He can talk!
Me (in my head): Yeah. They capture the king of Judah and take him to Babylon to serve as a talker.
O: But how did he grow his eyes back?!
K (to O): You can't grow eyes!  You can get new eyes today but they didn't have that technology back then.
O: But...then what did they do...with like...the holes?
Me: Probably nothing.
T: Eeeewwww! They didn't even put like...rocks or something in them???

Don't you wish you had my job?

You Know Those "Search Overload" Commercials?

This is part of my Bits 'N Pieces series...

You know those "search overload" commercials where someone asks an innocent question and suddenly everyone around them is offering random, meaningless information?...that is my 7th grade class.

T: It would be a lot more interesting if they dropped a super ball off the building on New Year's Eve instead of a ball on a stick...
C: When people fall off buildings they go like this (followed by mad flailing in his seat)...
R: Why do they always dance like that in Bollywood movies?...
G: Did anyone see Indian Terminator?

I am so glad that their words do not have actual mass...I would come home with a concussion on a daily basis.

R: Why do you want to know who was burping in Justin's face?...
T: I said G was talking about reproducing in space...
G: No. I asked if you could produce food in outer space...

Somebody just shoot me now.

Overheard Bits & Pieces

Overheard in my math class today as the wind beat against the building...

R7: "Wow. Sounds like the Abdominal Slowman is out there...I mean Snowman...wait...what?"

Bits & Pieces

Here it is...the beginning of week two.  Now that I am back in school I have the opportunity to share with you the bits and pieces of conversation that I overhear from my middle school students.

O (7): "When is my birthday this year?"...
T (7):  "When was your birthday last year?"
O (7):  "It was on one of the days of the week."

Yeah...that narrows it down...

A (8): "Where's her face?!  I just had her face!"

I can't even begin to explain that...
...or this....

K (6): "Ooh...Turtles wearing scarves.  Now I get it."

But my favorite...

Starting my car to go to work this morning I hear the very last line of a story before the newscaster moves on to the next one...

"The musician known as "Bongo Jesus" was finally tazered into submission."

...and after sharing that sentence at work one of my co-workers offered this bit:

"Sounds like he was a little too bongo and not enough Jesus."