Random Thoughts Regarding Oysters

Ok.  For those of you who do not know...I don't eat seafood.  I eat most fish...just not all those other things found in the sea.  Some are squishy.  Some are slimy.  Some are simply too bug-like to stomach.  But the oyster is in a category all its own.  In fact, if I were to write a dictionary, this would be my entry for "oyster."



oys*ter   |oi-ster|    noun     An uber-gelatinous substance that looks like it came out of an infant's nose that some guy, who was starving to the point of having already digested several of his own internal organs, picked up one day and said, "Huh. This looks good."


That is all.

Weed Whackers...Aisle Nine.

While standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed the lady behind me.  Why, you ask?  She had plastic eyelashes.

Plastic. Eyelashes.

Not regular false lashes where you can at least see some lash definition.  These were...well....Mr. Potato Head lashes.  They looked like plastic eyelash mittens.  Or Saul Rubinek's eyebrows.

So, there I am...covertly staring...trying not to laugh and biting my tongue to keep from asking the obvious questions...

Do you have a mirror at your house?

What are you pet caterpillers' names??

Your neck can bench press HOW much???

I know.  I need therapy.

I Don't Do New Year's Resolutions...

I don't do New Year's resolutions...  That is not to say that I don't have goals and ambitions or things that I would like to accomplish during the course of a year.  I just don't usually contemplate them at the beginning of the year. I'm more apt to set goals around my birthday...

However, I just happened to view my own blogs and realized that this last year was kind of miserly in terms of posts.  I know that there were several times this last year that I said the phrase, "I gotta blog about this..." and yet those stories are not here. That makes me sad.

There is so much that has happened in my life since May that has been influenced by the distress of my job.  And my job took over my life.  Literally.  I started working 10-15 hours a day.  I stopped blogging. I stopped taking pictures. I stopped travelling. I stopped eating right. I stopped laughing.  And that has got to stop.

I'm not quite sure how to accomplish the taking back of my life.  Maybe the first step is in acknowledging that I am not ok with this.  So...I have taken that first step.  I'll let you know when I figure out what the second step is.

Is My Head Really THAT Small??

The first time I realized that I had a small head was while in college.  I was still living at home and my dad had salvaged some football helmets from a middle school thinking that my mom could use them in the dress-up area of her preschool.  My younger brothers were trying to put them on but they weren't going over anyone's ears.  I grabbed one and went to set it on my head...we were all quite surprised when the helmet plopped down to my shoulders.  And even more surprised when I could turn my head back and forth...without the helmet moving.


Now, fastforward a few years...as you know from my previous post, I am in need of glasses.  I have had my exam and yesterday (Black Friday) I went shopping for frames.  I took a friend with me and we went to four different places. During the course of the first three, we learned what shapes and colors to stay away from.  However, when we got to the fourth place, some of those shapes and colors were suddenly working.  Then I noticed that they seemed smaller.  So we went to the youth/kids area and suddenly everything is looking good...  Anyway, seems I have a lot more options on what looks good when the glasses actually fit my face.


That being said, I am buying a pair on Monday.

Getting Old...

Most of the time I can avoid the realization.  I have a job that allows me to play catch and four-square, sing silly songs, lead messy science experiments and sleep-in late in the summer.  On my own time I play computer games and go on adventures with my camera and exporations with my car.  Mostly, I don't have time to think about getting old...

But sometimes the realization smacks me in the face.

I have been getting headaches lately, that are directly connected to the times that I am reading, grading or planning lessons.  So, yesterday, I had my first ever eye-exam.  I need glasses.  Not just any glasses. Bifocals.  (Nothing says, "old" like bifocals...unless it's trifocals.) I need support reading and I have an astigmatism.

Now you might be thinking, "Nobody has to know you have bifocals...just get the no-line lenses."  But the doctor tells me that the no-line lenses cause waviness in your peripheral vision.  Since I am not willing to sacrifice any of my peripheral vision...in my photography or my teaching (75% of all inappropriate behavior in the classroom takes place in my peripheral vision.)...I find myself not only having to admit to myself that I am getting old but I also have to announce it to the world.

So, I will be out with all of the crazy people who enjoy shopping during the holidays, trying to find a pair of frames that will just say "old"...not "old nerd". 

By the way, this will take place on Black Friday.  Yeah.  I don't know what I'm thinking either.  If nothing else, it will give me something to blog about.

Just Plain Ugly

I can't tell you how stressed I am.  I wish I could.  However, doing so would be irresponsible and severely lacking in good judgment and self-control.  AND could ultimately lead to more stress if I ended up losing my job over a momentary "vent".  So I will stick to generalizations.

I am tired of working 12-14 hours a day to barely keep my head above the water. Sick of being micro-managaed. Frustrated with the fact that there is no communication but you can be reprimanded when you don't know something.  I seriously do not know how much more of this I can take before I break.

If I do break, I won't be the first.  Three others have already broken and moved on...

Jury Duty

I had jury duty yesterday.  This was my first time...I usually get out of the summons but this time I just postponed it until school got out.  So, I had no idea what to expect.

I woke up at 5:00am and left the house at 6:10am since I didn't know where I was going or how long it would take me to get there.  I ended up being perfect on my timing, arriving at the courthouse just 10 minutes prior to the 7:30am deadline.  It also put me in the first 25% of the jurors who were able to go through security without problem as opposed to the latter 75% who arrived between 7:30 and 8:00 and didn't get checked in until 8:30 or 9:00.

They started to assign us to groups by 9:30 or so and I found myself Juror #24 in the Purple Group.  But then I also found that I was Juror # 36 in the Red Group.  At first they told me that the computer thought I was two different people.  Umm. Ok.  But after the third or fourth person was assigned to the Purple and Red Group they realized it was a computer error.  A computer error that they have never had happen before.  And I'm thinking, "Great.  Everyone is going to think that this is my fault.  The one time that I actually have jury duty and the computer malfunctions."  I'm not making this up.  Anyway, they take all of the purple and red ticket back and after a few minutes they are re-assigned.  Now I am in no group.

A little after 11:00, the Yellow Group is given a 5-minute warning that their baliff is on the way and they should get ready.  It was very amusing watching 72 adults try to put themselves in numeric order....and then count...in numeric order.  Took them a couple of tries.  As soon as they left, an announcement is made that they need 35 juror...immediately.  I am now Juror #17 in the Hot Pink Group.  We are not given any time to get ready as our baliff was already there.  We go through the selection process and I am sitting on a jury panel.

It is a criminal case...marijuana...possession and possession with intent to distribute.  We had enough time to hear opening remarks and the prosecution's first witness before we broke for lunch.  About half-way through the second witness, I decided I better keep track of how often the prosecuting attorney said, "A moment of the court's indulgence."  I counted thirteen times...that is thirteen times that he got lost in his notes, couldn't find a note or just plain couldn't figure out what to say next. 

Then there were his "asked and answered" moments.  Like this one: PA: "Who are you imployed by?" W: "Prince George's County Police Department, eight years."  PA: "How long have you been there?"  W: "...uh...eight years."  Some of these were met with "objection" but others just slid by the defense attorney...or were ignored.  Personally, I think the defense attorney could have been the poster boy for the slogan "I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you."  He looked completely bored through the whole trial.  He wasn't the only one...the security officer was so bored...HE...FELL...ASLEEP.  I kid you not.  Head against the wall, eyes closed, mouth open.   Thankfully he was not snoring...I would not have been able to rein in the giggles. 

Then the defense attorney stepped up to the plate.  In his opening remarks he was adamant that we know his client by name..."This is Devin...not 'the defendant'".   Yet every other time he referred to him, he called him "Kevin"...I guess it's close...it...rhymes.  And he kept getting his facts messed up.

There were so many mistakes and inconsistencies on both sides that it was hard to keep track of them all. 

So get to the deliberation portion of the schedule.  There is one juror who (reluctantly) tells us that this type of marijuana does not have a potent enough smell to rouse the suspicion of the cops...so they must be lying.   (Uh...OK.)   Another juror is sure that the cops are lying because when they gave their testimony and were asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the strongest, how strong was the smell of marijuana coming from the car?" one of the officers said "8" and the other one said "10"...so their stories didn't match.  (Seriously?)  Several of the jurors were convinced that Devin was smart and a smart person wouldn't consent to a search knowing that there were drugs in the car.  (I work with Junior High students that are smart enough to know that if you want someone to think that you are innocent of wrong-doing...you have to act like you are innocent...I mean COME ON!)  AND...everyone is talking at the same time.

Now, those of you that know me, know that I very often have something to say but I will rarely fight to be heard.  However, the forewoman was one of those people and she wanted to hear what I thought...was he innocent or guilty.  And here is the most difficult part of the whole experience.

He very well could be guilty.  I have no idea.  But I do know that they didn't prove that he was guilty.  The chain of evidence report stapled to the bag of marijuana didn't even have Devin/Kevin's name on it...it had one of his passenger's name as the owner of the drugs.  One of the reports had the wrong date for the incident.  There were no fingerprints taken from the bags of marijuana...even though they have that ability.  There was no cruiser cam video of the incident...even though they have that ability as well.  They proved that the marijuana was in his car but they did not prove that he "knew" about it or that he had the "intention of participating in the mutual enjoyment and use" of it.  When I was done speaking...there was a moment of silence as they all stared at me...then someone said, "ok.  Let's vote." 

I wouldn't mind doing it again but I can see that the experience could be very different...depending on the type of case you were assigned to.

The Perks of Still Having Tonsils...

I woke up this morning with a sore throat.  Both of my tonsils are swollen (yes, I still have my tonsils) as well as my uvula.  My second thought was, "Yeah! I can have ice cream today!"  (My first though was just plain, "Ugh.") So I start off my day with some coconut and pineapple Haagen Dazs ice cream.  My friend M told me that someone told her that "Haagen Dazs" was Swedish for "heart attack."



It's probably true.


Later, I had some Ben & Jerry's Phish Food...which I figure was more a more marketable name than "Sleep with the Fishes."


Right before bed I'm going for the raspberry sherbert...it's fat free.

Pet Peeve

I have a pet peeve.  Well, I have several, actually, but I am only going to talk about one...



...people who drive their spiffy sports cars...10 MILES UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT!! 


I mean...COME ON!...I'm not asking you to break the sound barrier or anything...just go the speed limit.  Seriously!  It doesn't look right.  On the one had you are driving a machine that says, "Look at me...I am flashy...I am powerful...mere mortals wish they were me..." but your speed screams, "Look at me...I am in your way...I am inept...mere mortals would run me over if it were legal..."  What? Do you think that you need to go slow so that everyone can get a better look of you in your retirement fund?  Time to get over yourself...  Accelerate.  (It's the pedal on the right.)

Todays rant is brought to you by a 45-minute commute.

My Mockiversary

About a year ago...little less...I had an epiphany.


It was a realization of unfairness.  Why should I--just because I am single and content to be so--go without the things that most other women get to enjoy on their anniversary?  A special night out, expensive jewelry, a nice dinner or secluded get-a-ways.  OK, so I don't have a husband to surprise me with flowers or jewelry but...why couldn't I buy them for myself?  (I can't believe it has taken me this long to come to this place...)  So anyway, after some thought, I decided that my "mockiversary" would be on March 18 and yesterday was my first.

I kept it light...since I just got a brand new car on Valentine's Day and a brand new phone and a beach vacation President's Day weekend.  I took myself out to dinner and a movie and I had a wonderful time.  And since I had no idea what movie I was going to see or where I was going to eat until I got there, it was a nice surprise as well.

Trying to Catch My Breath

I can't believe that it is February! Wait! I can't believe that February is more than half over! I certainly don't have any pictures to show for it.








I started the year off with an ear infection that prevented me from getting outside...







Then we were into mid-terms and semester report cards...







And then there was the car accident...







Yes, two weeks ago I was involved in a car accident. My car "Ursula Sinead Popodopolis" was a total loss. I didn't even get pictures of that... My shoulder is still bothering me some but that is the extent of my injuries...I'm thankful that I wasn't a total loss. Actually, I am thankful for a whole lot in this situation.

Had I been 6 inches farther down the road my door would have collapsed in on me.  After the lady ran into me I ricocheted off her vehicle through two lanes of traffic.  There was no one next to me or behind me so I didn't hit anyone on my way through the lanes and I didn't get hit by anyone else.  I hit my shoulder but I didn't hit my head.  I was driving a Toyota so my car was worth $1000.00 more than what I owed on it.  The lady that hit me was honest with her insurance company so there was no "fault" dispute.  Ten days after the accident I was in my new car.  To borrow one of my favorite quotes, "God is...God is...God is God, you know?!"




So, I have a new car and the upcoming weekend is supposed to be warm (mid-50s) and sunny so I am headed to the Outer Banks this weekend. Maiden Road Trip for Shamgar "Chuck" O'Malley...







I am hoping that by choosing a tough and manly name, people will be less likely to run into my car. So I have christened my new car Shamgar "Chuck" O'Malley. Shamgar...as in the guy who is only mentioned in one verse of the Bible, Judges 3:31, yet killed 600 Philistines in one day--with a pointy stick. Chuck...as in Norris. And O'Malley...representing my inner banshee and every Irish curse connected to my heritage.







Anyway...time to get on with the journey.

Why Isn't This on the Radio?....oh.

So I am on my way to work this morning when I hit the parkway (which you cannot see until you are already committed and on the ramp) which is a parking lot.  I think to myself "hmm. I didn't hear anything on the radio about an accident..." I sit there...and sit there...and sit there. For 40 minutes I'm sitting there and every 10 minutes I hear the traffic report and there is absolutely no information on what is going on.  Finally, I get to where I can see the situation.






There are two trucks with lighted arrows, directing everyone into one lane.  There are three cars on the side of the road with their emergency lights on.  There is a couple of pieces of clothing in the middle of the unused lane...just clothing...











...and a dog....














...standing...












....on top of the clothing...













...with a couple of people kneeling in front of him.


No wonder it was not mentioned on the radio.  Everyone who normally calls the radio station took one look at the situation and thought..."how in the world do I explain this?!"

I Love My Mother

It is bitterly cold here in DC. The kind of cold that kills people...



Ok. So it's not "the coldest it's ever been" or even "as cold as it gets some places" but it is cold enough.  Cold enough to burn your face and numb your limbs.  Cold enough to freeze your lungs in place and frost your eardrums. 


And while my face is chilly and my knees are numb, the rest of me is like toast...because I'm wearing my coat....that my mom bought me.

I love my mom.

Refections? Or Not...

I am sitting here watching the Rose Bowl Parade and looking over blogs that I follow and reading facebook statuses...

There is a whole lot of reflecting going on.  I suppose that is natural but I have never really gotten into the whole "refecting over the last year as you bring in the new one".  I don't know why.  Maybe because reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future is something I do regularly throughout the year.  Some of my reflection times happen at regular intervals...like June 5, August 31, and March 18...but there are other times of reflection that are brought about by random events.

a memory
                                                   a thought
                                                                                                  a picture
                                    a conversation
                                                                  a sound
               a smell

You get the idea.  Anyway, as far as I can recall, 2010 was pretty good.  I will reflect in detail later...right now, I'm enjoying the parade.

I Have Re-joined the 21st Century!

So...I have been without a computer for two weeks. This is my serious gaming computer that I splurged on. The silly thing was only a year old but the microphone and speakers didn't work, I couldn't disable the touchpad so everytime I typed the cursor would skip around, the SD card reader was useless and it would randomly toggle between battery mode and AC mode (letting me know this by rapidly flashing a message directly in the middle of my screen).  Seems to be working fine now though.  Yeah, warranties!

Here's the amusing part...when I went to check on the status, I told the geek that I hadn't heard anything from them and I just wanted to know what was happening with my machine... He looked at me with surprise and said, "You didn't get any of the emails?"  I guess I am one of the few people who still have dedicated technology...my camera is just a camera...my phone is only a phone...I have an ipod and a kindle...and they were working on my only computer...how was I supposed to know they were sending me emails??

A Positive Outcome

I had to leave early tonight.  I just couldn't take it any longer.  If I had stayed...well...it wouldn't have been pretty.  But I am happy to report that no "yoots" were smacked upside the head during the making of this evening.

However, the positive outcome is this:



I am extremely thankful for my upbringing.  I'm not sure that I can adequately communicate just how grateful I am for the way I was raised.  So, I am going to just list some of the highlights.

I am thankful...

1. I was not given everything I wanted
2. we did not replace the TV when it broke
3. we took our vacations in the woods
4. that sometimes we were awakened in the middle of the night to witness the northern lights and meteor showers
5. that I was spanked when I was disobedient
6. I was required to do my homework...myself
7. laughing was strongly encouraged
8. I did not ALWAYS get presents for my birthday or Christmas
9. my mother taught me to be creative and resourceful
10. my father taught me to be diligent and perseverant
11. I was taught to value books
12. that striving for mediocrity was not an option
13. I wasn't allowed to blame other people or situations for my own actions
14. that disrespect (toward anyone) was not tolerated
15. I was taught the importance of empathy

I am thankful that my parents loved me enough to see that I grew up...well.

The Beginning of Change...

I quit.






Just one of my jobs...the part time one...





So I could go back to school.





Well, sort of.  See, I've actually been enrolled in seminary for the last eight years but for the last four years I've been able to say, "I only have 6 classes left."  Meaning--"I haven't done anything in four years."  Seriously.  It is time to change that.  Especially since I've already paid for it...completely.  In fact, I've already paid for the 6 classes I need to finish my Bachelor's degree AND the classes needed for my Master's degree.

This is step one.

Fog

Yesterday, while working on my photography blog, I took some time to look through some of the other photography blogs that I follow and I saw this great image of a motorcycle and road sign in the fog.  As I admired the image I started thinking about fog and I realized that that is where I am.  In a fog.

See, everything is muted in the fog.  Colors are muted.  Sounds are muted.  Even time seems muted.  And visibility.  Sometimes your visibility is so muted that you feel like you are the only one on earth.

Now, ever notice that when you are trying to see through the fog your instincts are to shine some light on it...but the light only illuminates the fog.  And the brighter the light...the brighter the fog. 

Ok.  So here's the thing.  I'm in a fog.  Everything is muted.  My joy is muted.  My worship is muted.  My passion is muted.  And my visibility is definitely muted to the point of feeling very disconnected...from everything.  And everytime I add a new ministry or activity or job all I succeed in doing is lighting up more fog. 

Yesterday I shared about change coming.  I still don't know what it is but I know that getting out of this fog is an absolute necessity.  And yet I'm hesitating.  I don't know if it is because I am afraid of what is outside the fog or if I am just worried about what people will say when I start shutting down some of the activities, ministries and jobs...  Or maybe I do know and I'm just afraid to be that transparent and vunerable here.  Possibly more on that later...

Has Anyone Seen October?

I don't even know where to begin.  Seriously.  This is actually my third attempt at this post.  I woke up this morning realizing that it was November.  It seems like yesterday was September.  And yet October didn't just slip quietly by...in fact, it camped out on my front porch and even punched me in the face a couple of times.  First, there was the accident.  Thankfully I was not injured but Ursula Sinead Popodopolis did not fare so well.  29 days and 1300 (my cost) dollars later we were finally reunited.  Then, my house flooded.  This happens enough times that it is pretty much routine, but still.  At the same time that my house flooded, I got a major head cold that lasted a week but had a lingering cough.  October is, of course, a lovely time of the year for allergy sufferers (sarcasm alert).  And we had a spelling bee, all-day-out-of-town field trip and a leadership conference at school.

And among all this activity there has been some internal drama as well.  I don't know what God is doing in me (of course, I rarely do...I rather enjoy that about Him) but change is coming.  And it's big.  And deep.  Lately I have been feeling very strong yearnings.  For what, I don't know...yet.  But there is this sense of urgency as well.  Yeah. It sounds strange to me, too.  A strong, urgent yearning for...?

But, whatever it is, my life is in need of some altercations.  More on that later.

Then Why Am I Still Sitting Here?

So today was the day that teachers went back to school.  We don't see students until next Tuesday but I got up early this morning...packed my lunch and got out of the door exactly on time. 

I take the Parkway to work.  It's not as bad as it sounds because as everyone is trying to get into DC I am trying to get out.  This usually makes for a pleasant drive...usually.  See, even though the Parkway is a "scenic drive" most people treat it like it's the Autobahn...and when maniacs drive...accidents happen.

Anyway, I hit traffic and turn to the radio station that is going to tell me what and where the delay is so I can choose an alternate route if needed.  Six minutes later I am completely stopped (with the car in park) as I listen to the traffic report.  The northbound freeway (parallel to where I am...) is shutdown...all lanes...due to a truck dumping a load of wood and the parkway is slow (I'm thinking, "I want to be on that part of the parkway") due to an accident just two exits ahead of me so I decide to stay put.  Now, ten minutes later, when the next traffic report comes on, I am in the exact same place...I have not moved...and the lady says, "All northbound lanes on the freeway have been shutdown and you would be better off taking the parkway as the earlier accident is gone."  And I'm thinking, "Gone?  Where did it go?  And why am I still sitting here?  Did anyone bother to tell the two guys in front that when the accident disappeared they could continue commuting?" 

It was a full three minutes more before I could put my car in gear and continue on my way to work...Nothing like showing up late on the first day...