Bits & Pieces

Here it is...the beginning of week two.  Now that I am back in school I have the opportunity to share with you the bits and pieces of conversation that I overhear from my middle school students.

O (7): "When is my birthday this year?"...
T (7):  "When was your birthday last year?"
O (7):  "It was on one of the days of the week."

Yeah...that narrows it down...

A (8): "Where's her face?!  I just had her face!"

I can't even begin to explain that...
...or this....

K (6): "Ooh...Turtles wearing scarves.  Now I get it."

But my favorite...

Starting my car to go to work this morning I hear the very last line of a story before the newscaster moves on to the next one...

"The musician known as "Bongo Jesus" was finally tazered into submission."

...and after sharing that sentence at work one of my co-workers offered this bit:

"Sounds like he was a little too bongo and not enough Jesus."

Then Why Am I Still Sitting Here?

So today was the day that teachers went back to school.  We don't see students until next Tuesday but I got up early this morning...packed my lunch and got out of the door exactly on time. 

I take the Parkway to work.  It's not as bad as it sounds because as everyone is trying to get into DC I am trying to get out.  This usually makes for a pleasant drive...usually.  See, even though the Parkway is a "scenic drive" most people treat it like it's the Autobahn...and when maniacs drive...accidents happen.

Anyway, I hit traffic and turn to the radio station that is going to tell me what and where the delay is so I can choose an alternate route if needed.  Six minutes later I am completely stopped (with the car in park) as I listen to the traffic report.  The northbound freeway (parallel to where I am...) is shutdown...all lanes...due to a truck dumping a load of wood and the parkway is slow (I'm thinking, "I want to be on that part of the parkway") due to an accident just two exits ahead of me so I decide to stay put.  Now, ten minutes later, when the next traffic report comes on, I am in the exact same place...I have not moved...and the lady says, "All northbound lanes on the freeway have been shutdown and you would be better off taking the parkway as the earlier accident is gone."  And I'm thinking, "Gone?  Where did it go?  And why am I still sitting here?  Did anyone bother to tell the two guys in front that when the accident disappeared they could continue commuting?" 

It was a full three minutes more before I could put my car in gear and continue on my way to work...Nothing like showing up late on the first day...

Goodnight, Summertime.

Well, this is it.  Tomorrow I go back to school and the insanity.  I am not nearly as rested or prepared physically, emotionally or mentally as is the norm at the end of August.  This is my last few moments of summer.  You were much too fleeting.  Goodnight, Summertime.

Um...Slow Down!

Ok.  Here it is mid-August and...well...nothing.  Usually my summers are filled with adventure and...you know...blog fodder.  However, this summer not so much.  First of all, I got sick on the last day of school and was sick for more than a month.  Then I spent a couple weeks doing some cleaning and organizing (I would love to do a total makeover of my living quarters before the end of September...).  Then I left for my brother and sister-in-laws (which is where I am as I write this) which has been wonderful...

I'm not going to say "but"...I'm not.

It did, however, dawn on me today that I only have a week left before I head home and then only two weeks before school starts.  I ONLY HAVE THREE WEEKS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS!!!  I am not ready for school to start.  Not physically.  Not emotionally.  I. Am. Not. Ready.

Oh, boy.

This Memory Is Brought to You by My Mother...

Today my mother asked me if I wanted her ashes.  And that question and the resulting thoughts that went through my head eventually led to this memory being shared with you on another Moments from Mondays Gone By...

There are no adults in this story. Now, some of my best childhood memories are adult-free but in this case...well...you be the judge.

At the time, I was 12, the brother involved was 10, and the kid from across the street was 14. We lived in a trailer park in a small town in the middle of nowhere, WA. Our neighbors were on vacation and they had a cat. The cat was hit by a car.

So, here we are, looking at this cat...which was really more of a kitten, gasping for air, mewing pitifully, and unable to move due to a squished spine. Now, I'm not a cat-person...never have been...but I remember getting teary-eyed watching that cat suffer and knowing that it was not going to survive. We were trying to figure out what to do and how to put this cat out of its misery and the kid from across the street says,

"My dad has an axe."

OK. Now we had a plan. So the kid from across the street returns with the axe and there is a brief discussion about how he is the oldest and it is his father's axe therefore he should be the one to chop...the cat's...head...off.

So, my brother and I take a couple steps back and...wait.  And wait. Evidently it is one thing to watch this kind of thing being done by adults and quite another to be the one doing it. Anyway, he finally works up the courage to swing the axe but closes his eyes and completely misses. After another few minutes of gathering courage, he swings...he severs.

Now, let me just take a moment and say...we were all familiar with farm life...we had all seen chickens running around with their heads cut off...BUT...what we did not know...could never even have imagined...is that ALL creatures, suddenly severed from their brains, "run like a chicken with its head cut off."

This cat...body...jumps up and starts running around, flopping on the ground, jumping in the air and generally doing all manner of acrobatic feats while its head is just laying there in the street. There is a moment of shocked silence...and then the kid from across the street start screaming...like a girl...and my brother and I begin to giggle.  You know. Those giggles you get when you are really nervous or...FREAKED OUT!! The ones that you can't stop and they get worse the more nervous or freaked out you get?

Thankfully the cat started to settle down because right about then we see the park manager start heading our way. So we grab both pieces of the cat and head down to the river to bury the thing. We were still nervous so we just gave it a shallow grave.  It was really more like getting rid of the evidence instead of a proper funeral. However, in just a few days it started to really stink and it was right where we all played so...

we built a raft...
placed the cat...
set it on fire...
and gave it a glorious Viking burial.

And we NEVER told the neighbors.

Heat, Humidity and Headaches

These are things I strongly dislike.

These are also things that have been in my life for the last two weeks or so.

Heat. I am a red-head so the sun and I have always had a somewhat tenuous relationship. In the summertime I am perpetually pink regardless of sunscreen. I have had sunstroke twice, am prone to heat exhaustion and my internal thermostat is permanently whacked. That being said, here are some of last weeks top weather headlines...

HIGH TEMPERATURES CAUSE ROADS TO BUCKLE. Excuse me? Did you say "buckle"? As in "to bend out of shape; distort by twisting or folding" buckle? That buckle?  I am supposed to enjoy my summer vacation when it is hot enough to melt pavement??

3 MORE DIE IN MD FROM SUMMER HEAT. Yes, that's right. Not three...three MORE. There have actually been 16 heat-related deaths in MD this year. I'm supposed to run errands when it is hot enough to melt pavement....and KILL PEOPLE???

EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH IN EFFECT. Now there's an idea I can get behind. Let's all watch the heat...from an air-conditioned living room.


Humidity. Wetness in the atmosphere. This is something that was most definitely NOT on the brochure. 8 years, 3 months and 11 days ago I moved to the East Coast... 8 years, 3 months and 11 days ago I was dry.  Since then, not so much. Everything is damp. My clothes are damp. My books are damp. My pillow is damp. Even my crackers are damp. And most people out here don't get this, but that is because they have never actually been dry. They use things like towels...clothes dryers (kind of seems like a waste of money to me) but they never actually get beyond DAMP.


Headaches. I am one of those people who get headaches. Lots of headaches. I get headaches when I'm stressed, or hungry, or dehydrated, or overheated or just plain tired. When my allergies act up...I get a headache. When my back is out of alignment...I get a headache. Sometimes I get a headache for no apparent reason.  And I categorize them.  Level one is your basic headache. It's the one that can be up there for several hours before I think, "You know...they make stuff for this." Level two is a migraine. Taking pain meds is a no-brainer as well as turning off all the lights. Level three is what I call the Meningitis level. (I had that once so I know how painful it is...wouldn't recommend it...to anyone.) This level requires lots of pain meds, turning off all the lights, curling into the fetal position and whimpering. And lastly, level four, is the Percocet level. Ironically, Percocet causes me more pain than whatever it was that they prescribed the Percocet for.  I felt like John Henry was pounding butter knives into my eyeballs. Doctors all "cock their heads" at me when I inform them that Percocet makes me suicidal.

Anyway, lately I've been feeling like I am dealing with multiple headaches at the same time. Like...if you had one parking spot in front of your house and every Monday your sister came to visit (and parked there) and every Tuesday your brother came to visit (and parked there) and every Friday your mother came to visit (and parked there) but then...one Wednesday they all decide to visit at the same time and instead of all coming in the same car, they all drive separately and try to park in the one space available. That is what I think is going on in my head lately. (hence the reason for the infrequent posts) One headache at a time is one thing but three headache at the same time is a different beast altogether. They need to carpool.

I'm an Aunt

Yes, it is true. I am finally an aunt. D and D have a daughter, born July 19, 2010 at 8:40 pm central time. She is very healthy, has a full head of red hair and is already a good eater. She weighed in at 8lbs 3oz.

Lord willing in 14 days they will have full guardianship and in 6 months they will be able to officially adopt her. Welcome to our family Halle.