Today in Mrs. E's 7th grade Science class she was asked the following:
T: "If the sun is made up of that much helium...how come it doesn't foat away?"
(My immediate response was, "While saying, 'Bon Voyage" in a high, chipmunky voice...?'")
Sometimes you just have to shake your head and roll your eyes.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Pet Peeve
I have a pet peeve. Well, I have several, actually, but I am only going to talk about one...
...people who drive their spiffy sports cars...10 MILES UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT!!
I mean...COME ON!...I'm not asking you to break the sound barrier or anything...just go the speed limit. Seriously! It doesn't look right. On the one had you are driving a machine that says, "Look at me...I am flashy...I am powerful...mere mortals wish they were me..." but your speed screams, "Look at me...I am in your way...I am inept...mere mortals would run me over if it were legal..." What? Do you think that you need to go slow so that everyone can get a better look of you in your retirement fund? Time to get over yourself... Accelerate. (It's the pedal on the right.)
Todays rant is brought to you by a 45-minute commute.
...people who drive their spiffy sports cars...10 MILES UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT!!
I mean...COME ON!...I'm not asking you to break the sound barrier or anything...just go the speed limit. Seriously! It doesn't look right. On the one had you are driving a machine that says, "Look at me...I am flashy...I am powerful...mere mortals wish they were me..." but your speed screams, "Look at me...I am in your way...I am inept...mere mortals would run me over if it were legal..." What? Do you think that you need to go slow so that everyone can get a better look of you in your retirement fund? Time to get over yourself... Accelerate. (It's the pedal on the right.)
Todays rant is brought to you by a 45-minute commute.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Word of the Day
Today's word-of-the-day is brought to you by my 7th grade Algebra class.
The word is: 22th (pronounced Twenty-tooth)
Out of the Orange Excerpt
*slap* "When you're slapped by a woman you'll take it and you'll like it!" *slap* *slap*
Humphrey Bogart in the Maltese Falcon
Saturday, March 19, 2011
My Mockiversary
About a year ago...little less...I had an epiphany.
It was a realization of unfairness. Why should I--just because I am single and content to be so--go without the things that most other women get to enjoy on their anniversary? A special night out, expensive jewelry, a nice dinner or secluded get-a-ways. OK, so I don't have a husband to surprise me with flowers or jewelry but...why couldn't I buy them for myself? (I can't believe it has taken me this long to come to this place...) So anyway, after some thought, I decided that my "mockiversary" would be on March 18 and yesterday was my first.
I kept it light...since I just got a brand new car on Valentine's Day and a brand new phone and a beach vacation President's Day weekend. I took myself out to dinner and a movie and I had a wonderful time. And since I had no idea what movie I was going to see or where I was going to eat until I got there, it was a nice surprise as well.
It was a realization of unfairness. Why should I--just because I am single and content to be so--go without the things that most other women get to enjoy on their anniversary? A special night out, expensive jewelry, a nice dinner or secluded get-a-ways. OK, so I don't have a husband to surprise me with flowers or jewelry but...why couldn't I buy them for myself? (I can't believe it has taken me this long to come to this place...) So anyway, after some thought, I decided that my "mockiversary" would be on March 18 and yesterday was my first.
I kept it light...since I just got a brand new car on Valentine's Day and a brand new phone and a beach vacation President's Day weekend. I took myself out to dinner and a movie and I had a wonderful time. And since I had no idea what movie I was going to see or where I was going to eat until I got there, it was a nice surprise as well.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I'm Part Leprechaun...
I know it is not a Monday but I am sharing a memory in honor of St. Patrick's Day.
The students that are currently in my sixth grade class are the same students that were in kindergarten the year I was Mrs. Jackson's (kindergarten) assistant. It was a difficult year for me. Mostly because I have a difficult time teaching foundational knowledge that needs to be learned by rote. Playing and interacting with them was great but teaching them "short vowel sounds" and "counting to one hundred"...not my thing.
On St. Patrick's Day I decided to pull their leg a little...ok...a lot. While Mrs. Jackson took them upstairs to visit the bake sale, I stayed behind to set the stage. First, I locked the door, opened the emergency exit window and knocked over a few chairs. Then I took $5.00 in pennies and scattered them all over the room and put a blue marble in each student's pencil box. Finally, I stood at the door, listening for their return. When I heard them outside the door, I started yelling, "Stop! No! What do you think you are doing? I'm not letting you go! You're mine now! etc." Mrs. Jackson tries to come in and finds the door locked and starts pounding on the door yelling, "Ms. Janet? What's going on? Are you ok?" (She's was always ready to play along with my schemes...plus she had plenty of her own!)
I finally come and open the door and I stand there, disheveled and gasping for air. I had never seen that class so quiet or their eyes so huge. They didn't say anything. Mrs. Jackson asks me what happened and I gasp out, "There...(gasp)...was a...(gasp)...Leprechaun...(gasp)"
The kids came into the room...sort of (they pretty much stayed by the door at first) and I told them what happened. "I was going with you to the bake sale but I heard a noise in the classroom so I went back and there he was...just standing there...a Leprechaun. I knew that if I could catch him he would have to give me his gold so I locked the door and chased him around the room. He kept tripping over the chairs so I was able to grab him as he was trying to go out the emergency window. But then he got loose. He got away but I tore a hole in his money bag and his gold spilled all over the room!"
The kids still haven't said a word.
"You can keep whatever you can find..." They still don't say anything but they do start scrambing around collecting pennies.
Finally, one boy asks, "What was he doing here?"
"I don't know," I said, "but I saw him messing with some pencil boxes."
They all make a run for their pencil boxes and discover little blue balls of glass. "He left us this."
I gasp loudly and then, in my best "hushed-whisper-of-awe" voice I say, "Do....you....know...what...that...is?? That is an Imagination Ball! The legends say that as long as you have an Imagination Ball you will have an ammmmmaaaaazzzzzing imagination!"
Soft "oohs" and "aahs" from the kids.
Now, I probably should have stopped here. But no. One of the kids says, "How do you know about the Imagination Ball?"
"I'm part Leprechaun. Because my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was a Leprechaun."
"No, he wasn't."
"Yes, he was. His name was Littleberry Roach...and if that's not a Leprechaun name, I don't know what is."
"You mean your great-grandpa was green?!"
"Real Leprechauns aren't green...that's just in the movies. Real Leprechauns look just like everybody else...they just have special skills."
"Do you have special skills?"
"Yes. I can tell good stories and I can make people laugh."
GASP "It's true you guys!! She tells good stories!"
The students that are currently in my sixth grade class are the same students that were in kindergarten the year I was Mrs. Jackson's (kindergarten) assistant. It was a difficult year for me. Mostly because I have a difficult time teaching foundational knowledge that needs to be learned by rote. Playing and interacting with them was great but teaching them "short vowel sounds" and "counting to one hundred"...not my thing.
On St. Patrick's Day I decided to pull their leg a little...ok...a lot. While Mrs. Jackson took them upstairs to visit the bake sale, I stayed behind to set the stage. First, I locked the door, opened the emergency exit window and knocked over a few chairs. Then I took $5.00 in pennies and scattered them all over the room and put a blue marble in each student's pencil box. Finally, I stood at the door, listening for their return. When I heard them outside the door, I started yelling, "Stop! No! What do you think you are doing? I'm not letting you go! You're mine now! etc." Mrs. Jackson tries to come in and finds the door locked and starts pounding on the door yelling, "Ms. Janet? What's going on? Are you ok?" (She's was always ready to play along with my schemes...plus she had plenty of her own!)
I finally come and open the door and I stand there, disheveled and gasping for air. I had never seen that class so quiet or their eyes so huge. They didn't say anything. Mrs. Jackson asks me what happened and I gasp out, "There...(gasp)...was a...(gasp)...Leprechaun...(gasp)"
The kids came into the room...sort of (they pretty much stayed by the door at first) and I told them what happened. "I was going with you to the bake sale but I heard a noise in the classroom so I went back and there he was...just standing there...a Leprechaun. I knew that if I could catch him he would have to give me his gold so I locked the door and chased him around the room. He kept tripping over the chairs so I was able to grab him as he was trying to go out the emergency window. But then he got loose. He got away but I tore a hole in his money bag and his gold spilled all over the room!"
The kids still haven't said a word.
"You can keep whatever you can find..." They still don't say anything but they do start scrambing around collecting pennies.
Finally, one boy asks, "What was he doing here?"
"I don't know," I said, "but I saw him messing with some pencil boxes."
They all make a run for their pencil boxes and discover little blue balls of glass. "He left us this."
I gasp loudly and then, in my best "hushed-whisper-of-awe" voice I say, "Do....you....know...what...that...is?? That is an Imagination Ball! The legends say that as long as you have an Imagination Ball you will have an ammmmmaaaaazzzzzing imagination!"
Soft "oohs" and "aahs" from the kids.
Now, I probably should have stopped here. But no. One of the kids says, "How do you know about the Imagination Ball?"
"I'm part Leprechaun. Because my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was a Leprechaun."
"No, he wasn't."
"Yes, he was. His name was Littleberry Roach...and if that's not a Leprechaun name, I don't know what is."
"You mean your great-grandpa was green?!"
"Real Leprechauns aren't green...that's just in the movies. Real Leprechauns look just like everybody else...they just have special skills."
"Do you have special skills?"
"Yes. I can tell good stories and I can make people laugh."
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
A Hallmark Moment
Ok. This is another installment of the "Out of the Orange" series of humorous one liners (remember...not all one liners are actually one line...).
Hallmark Movie
"How could you do this?"
"I was mad."
"At the school?"
"At my parents."
"So why didn't you spray paint them?"
*snicker*
Monday, March 14, 2011
Moments from Mondays Gone by...
This morning, as I was reading through some of the blogs that I follow, I noticed that there were a couple of stories involving dogs. That got me thinking about the dogs we had growing up so I have decided to share a "dog" memory.
Now, we had several dogs growing up and they were all unique...but there was one dog in particular...well, he was special...
His name was Zach. Zaccheus, actually, because when Dad brought him home the only thing we had to tie him to was a Sycamore tree. He was a black lab puppy that, before we knew it, turned into a black lab dog. He was strong and full of energy...uprooting the young Sycamore tree, then tipping over the big swing set (the next thing he was tied to) and then separating the porch from the house...
But before I share this particular memory, I must preface it by saying:
I have a temper.
Some people hear me say that and are shocked. "I've never even seen you get angry," they say. That's because I am Christian ADULT who believes in practicing self-control. But seriously, I have red hair...and I'm Irish...it's kind of a no-brainer. However, I did not always practice self-control. In fact, when I was young, I very rarely practiced self-control.
So anyway, I am coming home from school one day (I was about 12) and it was a bad day...maybe...at least I like to think I was already having an awful day because it makes my reaction seem a little less...insane...
Zach is all excited because now there are kids and kids means he will be let loose and he can play. Even as it was happening, I knew that he didn't do it on purpose, but... he was soooo excited to see me and he's barking and jumping around and (when I got close enough) putting his paws on my chest and trying to lick my face...and he bit me.
It was just a nip, really. But, evidently, it was enough, because...
I bit him back.
Yes. I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and chomped. Through the haze of my anger I hear my mother yell, "Janet Lorraine Roach! Get that dog out of your mouth!" Or something to that effect. Zach and I stood there looking at each other with petulant glares before each going to our separate rooms to sulk although my sulk lasted a lot longer than his did. That is one of the best things about a dog...they don't hold grudges. Still to this day, I wonder what the neighbors were thinking?...
Oh. And if YOU are wondering what I was thinking?...well...I wasn't. Eventually, I learned to control my temper but I just have to chuckle sometimes, because, when I get angry, my first reaction is still wanting to "bite" something. But I stick to gum these days.
Now, we had several dogs growing up and they were all unique...but there was one dog in particular...well, he was special...
His name was Zach. Zaccheus, actually, because when Dad brought him home the only thing we had to tie him to was a Sycamore tree. He was a black lab puppy that, before we knew it, turned into a black lab dog. He was strong and full of energy...uprooting the young Sycamore tree, then tipping over the big swing set (the next thing he was tied to) and then separating the porch from the house...
But before I share this particular memory, I must preface it by saying:
I have a temper.
Some people hear me say that and are shocked. "I've never even seen you get angry," they say. That's because I am Christian ADULT who believes in practicing self-control. But seriously, I have red hair...and I'm Irish...it's kind of a no-brainer. However, I did not always practice self-control. In fact, when I was young, I very rarely practiced self-control.
So anyway, I am coming home from school one day (I was about 12) and it was a bad day...maybe...at least I like to think I was already having an awful day because it makes my reaction seem a little less...insane...
Zach is all excited because now there are kids and kids means he will be let loose and he can play. Even as it was happening, I knew that he didn't do it on purpose, but... he was soooo excited to see me and he's barking and jumping around and (when I got close enough) putting his paws on my chest and trying to lick my face...and he bit me.
It was just a nip, really. But, evidently, it was enough, because...
I bit him back.
Yes. I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and chomped. Through the haze of my anger I hear my mother yell, "Janet Lorraine Roach! Get that dog out of your mouth!" Or something to that effect. Zach and I stood there looking at each other with petulant glares before each going to our separate rooms to sulk although my sulk lasted a lot longer than his did. That is one of the best things about a dog...they don't hold grudges. Still to this day, I wonder what the neighbors were thinking?...
Oh. And if YOU are wondering what I was thinking?...well...I wasn't. Eventually, I learned to control my temper but I just have to chuckle sometimes, because, when I get angry, my first reaction is still wanting to "bite" something. But I stick to gum these days.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Out of the Orange
Out of the blue (idiom), a phrase describing an unexpected event
I have an odd collection....ok, maybe two...but the collection I'm talking about here is my collection of one-liners. You know...those clever, witty and funny lines in a movie, TV show or book that come out of the blue and make you laugh and start to plan how you can work it into your own everyday conversations. (Come on...I know you practice...) I keep my collection in an orange book (Out of the Orange) and everytime I hear or read something that makes me laugh, I grab the nearest pen and jot it down on whatever is handy...scrap of paper, napkin, my hand...until it finds its place in the book.
Anyway, I have decided to periodically share them with you.
Disclaimer: Not all one-liners are actually one line.
Stargate Atlantis
"That's strange." "Define 'strange'."
"You don't know the meaning of 'strange'?"
*snicker*
*snicker*
Friday, March 4, 2011
Overheard Bits and Pieces
Yesterday in 7th grade Bible class I am teaching about Israel's captivity to Assyria and Judah's captivity to Babylon with this result:
Me: Nebuchadnezzar captures King Zedekiah, pokes his eyes out and drags him to Babylon to be a slave.
T: Eeeewwww! They poked his eyes out??! But wouldn't his eyes bleed to death?
R: (dramatic sigh) He was already dead!
Me (to T): That's not the right way to use that phrase...
Me (to R): He wasn't dead. They took him to Babylon to be a slave.
K: What's he going to do?? He's BLIND! He can't do anything.
R: (dramatic sigh) He can talk!
Me (in my head): Yeah. They capture the king of Judah and take him to Babylon to serve as a talker.
O: But how did he grow his eyes back?!
K (to O): You can't grow eyes! You can get new eyes today but they didn't have that technology back then.
O: But...then what did they do...with like...the holes?
Me: Probably nothing.
T: Eeeewwww! They didn't even put like...rocks or something in them???
Don't you wish you had my job?
Me: Nebuchadnezzar captures King Zedekiah, pokes his eyes out and drags him to Babylon to be a slave.
T: Eeeewwww! They poked his eyes out??! But wouldn't his eyes bleed to death?
R: (dramatic sigh) He was already dead!
Me (to T): That's not the right way to use that phrase...
Me (to R): He wasn't dead. They took him to Babylon to be a slave.
K: What's he going to do?? He's BLIND! He can't do anything.
R: (dramatic sigh) He can talk!
Me (in my head): Yeah. They capture the king of Judah and take him to Babylon to serve as a talker.
O: But how did he grow his eyes back?!
K (to O): You can't grow eyes! You can get new eyes today but they didn't have that technology back then.
O: But...then what did they do...with like...the holes?
Me: Probably nothing.
T: Eeeewwww! They didn't even put like...rocks or something in them???
Don't you wish you had my job?
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