This Memory Is Brought to You by My Mother...

Today my mother asked me if I wanted her ashes.  And that question and the resulting thoughts that went through my head eventually led to this memory being shared with you on another Moments from Mondays Gone By...

There are no adults in this story. Now, some of my best childhood memories are adult-free but in this case...well...you be the judge.

At the time, I was 12, the brother involved was 10, and the kid from across the street was 14. We lived in a trailer park in a small town in the middle of nowhere, WA. Our neighbors were on vacation and they had a cat. The cat was hit by a car.

So, here we are, looking at this cat...which was really more of a kitten, gasping for air, mewing pitifully, and unable to move due to a squished spine. Now, I'm not a cat-person...never have been...but I remember getting teary-eyed watching that cat suffer and knowing that it was not going to survive. We were trying to figure out what to do and how to put this cat out of its misery and the kid from across the street says,

"My dad has an axe."

OK. Now we had a plan. So the kid from across the street returns with the axe and there is a brief discussion about how he is the oldest and it is his father's axe therefore he should be the one to chop...the cat's...head...off.

So, my brother and I take a couple steps back and...wait.  And wait. Evidently it is one thing to watch this kind of thing being done by adults and quite another to be the one doing it. Anyway, he finally works up the courage to swing the axe but closes his eyes and completely misses. After another few minutes of gathering courage, he swings...he severs.

Now, let me just take a moment and say...we were all familiar with farm life...we had all seen chickens running around with their heads cut off...BUT...what we did not know...could never even have imagined...is that ALL creatures, suddenly severed from their brains, "run like a chicken with its head cut off."

This cat...body...jumps up and starts running around, flopping on the ground, jumping in the air and generally doing all manner of acrobatic feats while its head is just laying there in the street. There is a moment of shocked silence...and then the kid from across the street start screaming...like a girl...and my brother and I begin to giggle.  You know. Those giggles you get when you are really nervous or...FREAKED OUT!! The ones that you can't stop and they get worse the more nervous or freaked out you get?

Thankfully the cat started to settle down because right about then we see the park manager start heading our way. So we grab both pieces of the cat and head down to the river to bury the thing. We were still nervous so we just gave it a shallow grave.  It was really more like getting rid of the evidence instead of a proper funeral. However, in just a few days it started to really stink and it was right where we all played so...

we built a raft...
placed the cat...
set it on fire...
and gave it a glorious Viking burial.

And we NEVER told the neighbors.

Heat, Humidity and Headaches

These are things I strongly dislike.

These are also things that have been in my life for the last two weeks or so.

Heat. I am a red-head so the sun and I have always had a somewhat tenuous relationship. In the summertime I am perpetually pink regardless of sunscreen. I have had sunstroke twice, am prone to heat exhaustion and my internal thermostat is permanently whacked. That being said, here are some of last weeks top weather headlines...

HIGH TEMPERATURES CAUSE ROADS TO BUCKLE. Excuse me? Did you say "buckle"? As in "to bend out of shape; distort by twisting or folding" buckle? That buckle?  I am supposed to enjoy my summer vacation when it is hot enough to melt pavement??

3 MORE DIE IN MD FROM SUMMER HEAT. Yes, that's right. Not three...three MORE. There have actually been 16 heat-related deaths in MD this year. I'm supposed to run errands when it is hot enough to melt pavement....and KILL PEOPLE???

EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH IN EFFECT. Now there's an idea I can get behind. Let's all watch the heat...from an air-conditioned living room.


Humidity. Wetness in the atmosphere. This is something that was most definitely NOT on the brochure. 8 years, 3 months and 11 days ago I moved to the East Coast... 8 years, 3 months and 11 days ago I was dry.  Since then, not so much. Everything is damp. My clothes are damp. My books are damp. My pillow is damp. Even my crackers are damp. And most people out here don't get this, but that is because they have never actually been dry. They use things like towels...clothes dryers (kind of seems like a waste of money to me) but they never actually get beyond DAMP.


Headaches. I am one of those people who get headaches. Lots of headaches. I get headaches when I'm stressed, or hungry, or dehydrated, or overheated or just plain tired. When my allergies act up...I get a headache. When my back is out of alignment...I get a headache. Sometimes I get a headache for no apparent reason.  And I categorize them.  Level one is your basic headache. It's the one that can be up there for several hours before I think, "You know...they make stuff for this." Level two is a migraine. Taking pain meds is a no-brainer as well as turning off all the lights. Level three is what I call the Meningitis level. (I had that once so I know how painful it is...wouldn't recommend it...to anyone.) This level requires lots of pain meds, turning off all the lights, curling into the fetal position and whimpering. And lastly, level four, is the Percocet level. Ironically, Percocet causes me more pain than whatever it was that they prescribed the Percocet for.  I felt like John Henry was pounding butter knives into my eyeballs. Doctors all "cock their heads" at me when I inform them that Percocet makes me suicidal.

Anyway, lately I've been feeling like I am dealing with multiple headaches at the same time. Like...if you had one parking spot in front of your house and every Monday your sister came to visit (and parked there) and every Tuesday your brother came to visit (and parked there) and every Friday your mother came to visit (and parked there) but then...one Wednesday they all decide to visit at the same time and instead of all coming in the same car, they all drive separately and try to park in the one space available. That is what I think is going on in my head lately. (hence the reason for the infrequent posts) One headache at a time is one thing but three headache at the same time is a different beast altogether. They need to carpool.

I'm an Aunt

Yes, it is true. I am finally an aunt. D and D have a daughter, born July 19, 2010 at 8:40 pm central time. She is very healthy, has a full head of red hair and is already a good eater. She weighed in at 8lbs 3oz.

Lord willing in 14 days they will have full guardianship and in 6 months they will be able to officially adopt her. Welcome to our family Halle.

Um...Exactly What Are We Juicing???

So I have been thinking about getting a juicer and making my own concoctions without all the sodium and preservatives as I try to be more healthy (as well as wealthy.) And so I decide to do some comparison shopping online....

And this is what I realize...

Several of the top juicers claim "surgical-quality, stainless steel blades" which makes me wonder:

Exactly WHAT are we juicing???

The Butterscotch Pudding Episode...

Here is another installment in the Moments From Mondays Gone By Series. I am sitting here enjoying a butterscotch pudding cup and I suddenly get the giggles as I remember...


It sounded clever in my head. But when you are twelve...pretty much everything sounds clever in your head. Anyway...Mom and Dad were out and I was home with my three younger brothers. I was making Bean with Bacon Soup (or...stirring Bean with Bacon Soup as it was from a can) and somehow came up with the idea that it would be funny to tell them it was butterscotch pudding. I told them that the reason there were lumps was because it wasn't the instant kind of pudding but the kind that had to be cooked and this was my first time making it. So, there they were with a large bowl of sweet, delicious, buttery-goodness in front of them and a big ole mouthful of...soup. Savory, bacon-y, bean-y soup...some of which was spit directly back into the bowl.

I laughed...they didn't.

That was 30 years ago...but the effects have not worn off. I have two brothers who are "not fond" of butterscotch flavor and one who shudders at the mere mention of the word "butterscotch". Would I have played that practical joke had I known just how far into the future I would influence?.....uhhh...yeah.

Moments from Mondays Gone By...

I have decided to use Mondays to remember the past. Sometimes this will take the form of new postings of past memories. Sometimes it will take the form of re-posting from previous blog and journal entries...like this one:

The Container Store
How did we do it? How did we ever get along in life before the Container Store?

I don't have the answer to that but I do know that we were more content. It is nearly impossible to walk through that store and remain content. (I know for many people that would be true of any store but I usually don't feel that gnawing discontent except in bookstores.) Now some of the discontent that is felt when meandering through aisle after aisle of plastic and polyurethane may be a positive and even necessary discontent. It is the discontent that makes you think of that secret place in your house that is in need of a good spring cleaning...that drawer, that closet...that room that is threatening to overstep its bounds and make its presence known to innocent bystanders who just happened to "drop by".

But that kind of discontent is not the focus of my rant. I want to dwell for a moment on that negative, unnecessary discontent. The discontent that goes shopping because you need 12 more hangers for your closet but walks out with 144 so all your hangers will match... The discontent that picks up a 12x12-in block of polyurethane that holds 48 tubes of lipstick and says,

"I need this."
Nobody needs a container that holds 48 tubes of lipstick...and if you do, discontent is not your only issue. Then there is the discontent that picks up a tiny container (no matter how cheap) and says,

"Oh, this is so cute...what could I put in it?"

Or even the discontent that says,

Teenager: "Hey, look! It's a bulletin board made out of compact strips of recycled paper."
Mom: "We just bought you a bulletin board."
Teenager: "But this one is made from recycled material."
Mom: "What are you going to do with the one we just bought you?"
Teenager: "Um...recycle it."
(All actual overheard conversations)
But whatever the cause of your discontent...whether be it necessary or inane...the Container Store has a box, bucket or basket you can put it in.

"I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:10-13

Boy, Am I Glad I Saw THAT Warning!

I went to Wal-Mart the other day to buy a food scale. After comparing weight accuracy and limits, cost and style I chose a digital kitchen scale by Mainstays.

Then I noticed this warning...




...and I thought to myself, "Boy, am I glad I saw that warning! I mighta thought there was carrots, green beans, tomatoes, garlic, onions, potatoes and a stock pot in here. Wouldn't I have been surprised."

But I've got to wonder...has our common sense really disintegrated to the point of needing this kind of warning? Are there really people who pick a small box labeled "Digital Kitchen Scale" and think, "WOW...a SOUP KIT!!" Or is it that our society has become overly litigious? A society where it pays (literally) to be stupid. I should probably stop here...before I get nasty.



Here are some other warnings for the stupid:

Contents may be hot.--McDonald's coffee

For best results, remove cap.--Nabisco Easy Cheese

This ice may be cold.

May contain traces of nuts.--Hershey's Almond Bar

Do not drive a car or run machinery.--Boot's Children's Cough Medicine

Do not eat or inhale. If so, induce vomitting.--on a block of lead (one ton)

Do not consume.--Home Depot treated lumber